11.18.17
Nearly a month has gone by...some kind of dream. No music at all. Shifted gears. Sure. It's percolating I suppose. It always does. Right before bed often-times. But I haven't had any desire to tackle this right now. I did work on some album art and settled on a name. Another thing that came to me in a dream. I was worried that the word didn't actually mean anything when I woke with it...but it does. In Mandarin. Ha.
I've been back to Arizona multiple times now. Checking in every day or so. Sending articles and essays and research about Leukemia. A month in and one begins to accept the reality of the situation. A family member has cancer. The shock wears into frustration which wears into anger and emotions vacillate back and forth . The cartels that essentially run our institutions...and how someone you love is subjected to a degree of corruption that any school kid can point out...but mostly it's just a desire to keep them from suffering. Someone that gave me so much...who honestly didn't want anything for me either than a sincere adventure. She lives to the fullest and always has. It's thrown a certain light on the fact that I've spent the last three years in a sort of self-imposed exile from society. I didn't know when I was younger that I'd be wringing my hands over tones and timbres etc. It seems so far from some core element I'd forsaken somewhere along the road.
A good time to me is nothing more than a decent challenge and I've spent the past few weeks climbing mountains, sand dunes, rock walls, etc. Anything to push myself. Just for a clear head. Just to redeem something other than the whole subjective rabbit hole of music. If anything I've only written music I like. I have no major influences. People I admire sure...but it's my music. I'm not going to put out anything I personally wouldn't listen to.
I'll come back when it's time. Distance is healthy. Maybe obsession is healthy too. To an extent. But it's easy to get cross-eyed when you're in the middle of something. Right now nature makes more sense. I pack a camera...drive a few hours to some place and go exploring.
In about a month she goes down to Phoenix to begin the treatment process. It's this huge ordeal...not just emotional but financially as well. I've helped raise thousands of dollars yet I feel that it might be little more than a drop in the bucket. What an utter sham our health-care system is. An absolute joke. Treatment is one thing. Bankrupting people in the process is quite another. Shameless. There's nothing human about it.
I hear things. Yes. Usually before sleep. It's just part of falling asleep as long as I can remember. This was part of the whole Colorchaser name. I wouldn't call it synesthesia...I think it might come under the chromesthesia definition but i'm not sure...it's just the auditory parallels between color and sound and texture which are already fairly established. It's there. It might be detritus from the day working itself out. Who knows. I had a vision falling asleep the other night in relation to painting. It was very Pollock on the surface, but less random. It was feeling a color move to another color. Another shape. And layering instinctively on a canvass. It looked vaguely Pollockesque but there's was very little Pollock in terms of how I experienced it. And I thought...ya, that's basically how sound should be done. It's a matter of paying attention is all...usually my biggest challenge.
Either way...I couldn't care less right now.
I've been back to Arizona multiple times now. Checking in every day or so. Sending articles and essays and research about Leukemia. A month in and one begins to accept the reality of the situation. A family member has cancer. The shock wears into frustration which wears into anger and emotions vacillate back and forth . The cartels that essentially run our institutions...and how someone you love is subjected to a degree of corruption that any school kid can point out...but mostly it's just a desire to keep them from suffering. Someone that gave me so much...who honestly didn't want anything for me either than a sincere adventure. She lives to the fullest and always has. It's thrown a certain light on the fact that I've spent the last three years in a sort of self-imposed exile from society. I didn't know when I was younger that I'd be wringing my hands over tones and timbres etc. It seems so far from some core element I'd forsaken somewhere along the road.
A good time to me is nothing more than a decent challenge and I've spent the past few weeks climbing mountains, sand dunes, rock walls, etc. Anything to push myself. Just for a clear head. Just to redeem something other than the whole subjective rabbit hole of music. If anything I've only written music I like. I have no major influences. People I admire sure...but it's my music. I'm not going to put out anything I personally wouldn't listen to.
I'll come back when it's time. Distance is healthy. Maybe obsession is healthy too. To an extent. But it's easy to get cross-eyed when you're in the middle of something. Right now nature makes more sense. I pack a camera...drive a few hours to some place and go exploring.
In about a month she goes down to Phoenix to begin the treatment process. It's this huge ordeal...not just emotional but financially as well. I've helped raise thousands of dollars yet I feel that it might be little more than a drop in the bucket. What an utter sham our health-care system is. An absolute joke. Treatment is one thing. Bankrupting people in the process is quite another. Shameless. There's nothing human about it.
I hear things. Yes. Usually before sleep. It's just part of falling asleep as long as I can remember. This was part of the whole Colorchaser name. I wouldn't call it synesthesia...I think it might come under the chromesthesia definition but i'm not sure...it's just the auditory parallels between color and sound and texture which are already fairly established. It's there. It might be detritus from the day working itself out. Who knows. I had a vision falling asleep the other night in relation to painting. It was very Pollock on the surface, but less random. It was feeling a color move to another color. Another shape. And layering instinctively on a canvass. It looked vaguely Pollockesque but there's was very little Pollock in terms of how I experienced it. And I thought...ya, that's basically how sound should be done. It's a matter of paying attention is all...usually my biggest challenge.
Either way...I couldn't care less right now.
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